Why is it important to be honest with your constructive feedback

Photo by Adam Jang on Unsplash

Feedback is the loop of telling someone that you appreciate/dislike their actions. It is a part of our daily professional life. Sometimes we do it unknowingly. Sometimes we do it because it is a part of a process. Sometimes we do it because we care for their growth.

It is great to have an opportunity to tell someone that you loved the way they struck a deal or the discussion on the tech architecture that they proposed. But the other kind of feedback may not be that pleasant where you want to call out weaknesses/negative/areas of improvement/constructive feedback. Such feedback is usually connotated with a negative angle. It invokes fear because it means someone is finding a fault. That does not, in any way, reduce the importance and significance of giving genuine constructive feedback to the other person.

There are many ways when we share feedback with the other person.

1. Formal — As a part of the process, this is scheduled and is often linked to your appraisal cycle. Sometimes you set up a call as a 1–1 because it is a part of your role to talk to them and have this done.
2. Semi-formal — There is no fixed schedule for this. You have a call with them or send them a message on slack or any other communicator as and when it happens. This is highly recommended as it is fresh in the mind and easier for the other person to course correct.
3. Casual — This is just a casual water cooler talk, or on a cig break.
4. Invisible — this is something subtle. It may not be too obvious. E.g. Someone writing over your email to add some attachments, someone making the same joke repeatedly. Be vigilant about this kind of feedback but do not read too much between the lines.

Now that we have seen all this, let’s talk about why you REALLY bother about giving someone else feedback. There can be many reasons for this. Some of them are,

1. Helping the person grow

• Because you see potential in them
• Because you think some areas of improvement will help them in their career
• Because you are their lead/mentor and it is a part of your responsibility to help them grow
• Because you have identified some quick hacks that you want to market or show off
• Or if nothing else, maybe something as simple as because you are a nice person

2. Changing an uncomfortable situation

• Because their behavior impacts your productivity
• Because it creates an uncomfortable work-place
• To give them the benefit of doubt and COMMUNICATE that you are not ok with their behaviour
• Because ‘Breaking up’ isn’t as easy at work. You are going to be working with them the next day too.
• Because conversation precedes escalation. Talk to them before you want to escalate that to the higher ups

3. Cos the HR asked you to do so — A lot of us make a mistake to give feedback just because we want to get it out of the way or because you were being chased by the HR. However, a feedback session just for the sake of it does not help you and definitely does not help them. In fact, with no honest feedback for them, you are stripping them of the chances they can get to improve themselves and hence grow more in their career.

4. Good chance to find faults — as tempting as it is, you don’t need a feedback session to point out mistakes. If you are not sharing that because you want to see them grow, you may want to revisit if you even want to share it in the first place.

5. You like someone and want to impress them — Compliments are great. But do not confuse them with feedback.

Here are some tips on how you can give share effective constructive feedback

Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

1. Be prepared — Have your thoughts written out. This also gives them the idea that you have put in effort.
2. When you give feedback, be clear in your intent, clarity, crisp in articulation. As clear as if you had to give it to your manager.
3. Be empathetic
4. Have data as backup. Showcase examples that happened. In a non-accusatory way but so that they are also on the same page and understanding of what kind of situation led you to derive the comments.
5. Start negative feedback followed with a ‘but’ positive. E.g. ‘there was a human miss because of which the numbers were incorrect but you did well to pick up and fix them as soon as possible’
6. Remember this is your perspective. So there is no right or wrong.
7. Build a platform to fuel a discussion and not just a dictation
8. Use affirming words like believe, capable, scope of improvement, can do as opposed to weakness, needs to
9. Have suggestions and concrete next steps for improvement

There are also some things for you to remember when sharing feedback

• ‘It is about them not you’ — Be patient when sharing constructive feedback. Remember that it is about them than about you.
• They may not like it — And that should be ok. You have shared your thought and if they do not agree, it is best to let go. Perhaps at a better time and space they will appreciate your effort and interest in them.
• Remember: It is your perspective. In my opinion, one should not care about the feedback from folks who don’t appreciate you or value you. Don’t get me wrong. It is not that I am asking you to hear only the good stuff from folks who appreciate you all the time. What I meant is that if the feedback you receive is not with the intent of helping you become a better colleague, instead has an intent to put you down, don’t worry about it.

You see every opinion in this world is built on perspective. I would be short for Frankenstein and tall for someone else. A regular for Jack the Ripper and abnormal for someone else. The spectrum is large. Comments are built based on the world we grew in.

Likewise, when you choose to give someone comments, it is because you care for them or your daily life and most importantly their growth. Don’t share feedback because it is a process. Share it because you think they can do better. If you want to give feedback to someone you don’t like, don’t bother. They probably already know and if they know, they are probably better off not knowing it from someone who does not have their growth in the mind. Remember your opinion of them is in reality your perspective.

Let’s grow and let’s help the others grow.