Sometimes we don’t have all the answers.
We don’t even have all the questions.
And sometimes the questions we have are not the really the questions
But the solutions to the questions we dont know
I felt unworthy not because someone reminded me of it.
But because that feeling came as I reminded myself of it.
I looked at the mirror and saw left right and centre.
My dresses going tight and my belly falling off.
I am so loose everywhere around, is this why he left me?
Deep down I knew the answer.
It did not matter why he left me.
Because long ago I had left myself.
At every turn of the road in my life,
I question if I am really worthy.
A question I never truly ask.
But always answer right away.
No, this is probably just luck, I say and
Soon I will fade away.
A day of fear of my ‘true’ identity being revealed.
Not because they see it that way.
That is because that is what I see of myself.
Am I the only one to blame.
No. The social environment I am in,
Needs flat tummies and shaved legs.
Answers to everything and brave heads.
Women on top are shown fit and smart.
Dressed right, oh no I never knew what that meant.
I can never be them. I tell myself
No matter how well I do.
No matter how many accolades I get.
That just isn’t me and someday my facade will be revealed.
Yes there is a facade but the one that I have created.
The one that stays behind what I portray and blocks what I can be.
I tell myself, this is what I deserve.
And eventually turn to someone to prove me wrong.